Nothing Holding Me Back

“Taking time to do nothing often brings EVERYTHING into perspective.” ~ Doe Zantamata

I posted that quote on Twitter earlier today and that is exactly what I have been doing this weekend…nothing.  Besides going to church this morning and helping with a friend’s garage sale for a few hours yesterday, I have had a very quiet weekend.  Sometimes it is just good to have alone time to decompress and recharge the batteries isn’t it?  It is actually necessary for me…I need that time to think, plan and reflect…or not think at all!

I started the process of writing my book at the beginning of the year.  I gave myself six months to complete it (because if I do not have a set goal I will drag it out forever) and I am actually moving along with it at a decent pace.  It is in VERY rough draft mode but the nuts and bolts are there.  During this process I have forced myself to think about things I haven’t thought about in some cases for many years.  Not all of these “things” are good memories unfortunately so it has been a time of opening some old wounds in a sense.  I packed up a lot of old baggage long ago that I never planned to unpack again.  But since I have decided to share my story in attempt to help others who might have similar stories, it has been a necessary evil.  But in doing so I have also been able to focus on the bigger picture…and wow, I have come a long way baby!!!  I am actually proud of myself.  I have had help along the way though to get to this place.  I can finally say that I am happy with the person I am on the inside.  Yes, I am a constant work in progress, but I realize my worth now.  I realize that happiness comes from the inside not from a relationship, from a job, from money, from a house or a car or material things.  It is a sense of knowing how blessed you are in the moment you are in right now.  It is a feeling that you no longer need to search for happiness but instead accept and embrace all the goodness that is already in your life and not constantly longing for more.

I have goodness ALL AROUND ME!!!  Sometimes it is overwhelming how much I actually do have.  I have so many amazing people in my life that touch my heart on a daily basis including family, friends, co-workers etc.  I have an AMAZING Internet support group too.  I have made some connections with people through Twitter, Instagram and Facebook that I know will remain lifelong friends.  I have my two little sweet cats (yes I know, I know I am #crazycatlady) but they are precious to me and such good company!  If you keep up with me here, you know that I moved a couple of months ago, right?  Well I recently discovered that my backyard is a farm and on this farm “he had a goat E-I-E-I-O!  with a baa baa here and a baa baa there!” Seriously, I have goats and sheep in my backyard and it is AMAZING!!!  I can hear them when I open the window in my bedroom and I feel as if I have been transported to Little House on the Prairie! 🙂  I truly believe God has purposely placed me in several situations similar to this over the last couple of years during my healing process to just plain make me smile!  There are so many other things I could list but I will save some things to write about in my book.

The most amazing goodness of all in my life right now is the fact that I am nearer to God than I have ever been before in my life.  Today was baptism Sunday at church and I cried my eyes out listening to the stories of the five women who surrendered their lives to Christ this morning.  Each of them had a very unique story.  But they were all similar in the fact that they were each far from God and were brought near to him.  I can so relate.  I grew up in church yet, I was far from God.  I did not have the desire to get to know Him so I just fumbled through life on my own…and not doing a great job at it I should say.  But through my struggles and ultimately through the events that led to my second divorce, I had no other choice than to draw nearer.  Once you accept Him into your life and allow Him to take control…everything just gets better.  That old dead person on the inside is gone and a new person is born again and is ALIVE.  Being ALIVE again on the inside was my inspiration for this website.  I am alive now and nothing is holding me back.  My life is not perfect.  I still fumble and make mistakes.  I still have off days and I struggle with certain things.  But I don’t feel the need to try to control everything anymore.  I have faith that everything is going to be OKAY!

When I write, I try to be completely open and sincere and my hope is that someone out there might read it and will be able to relate to my experiences and know that they are not alone.  If you are struggling with something right now, whatever it is, please know that it will get better.  You are not alone.  Everything that you need to move forward is already inside of you.  And when you are ready, and if you are willing, you will see that through Him, you will find peace.

I am ready.  Nothing is holding me back…Now I get to love You in return.

Stacey ~ iamalive

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