He told me to buy all new clothes and shoes. So I did.
He told me to change my hair. So I did.
He told me to stop talking to my guy friends. So I did.
He told me I was a horrible person. So I believed him.
He told me I needed a boob job. So I bought padded bras until I can afford one.
He told me I’m not very smart. So I believed him.
He told me I liked drama when I told him I loved him in front of his friends. So I stopped saying it. And feeling it. And feeling.
He told me the monsters were my fault. So I believed him.
He said he’d never hurt me. But he did.
He told me he only loved parts of me. So I only loved parts of me.
He asked me to buy him things with my bonus instead of spending it on myself. So I did.
He told me he’d call afterwards. So I believed him. But I’m still waiting on that call. After 30 years. After 20 years. After 10 years. After 5 years.
Still waiting on him. And him. And him. And him.
He never said we should wait to have sex. So we didn’t.
He never said you don’t have to pay for that. So I did.
He never opened the door for me. Slam. Slam. Slam. Slam in my face.
He told me he’d love me forever when I was 24. But I thought I could do better.
I didn’t believe him. Or me. Or God.
This is why I’m still single.
Don’t allow anyone else’s opinion of you change who you are on the inside or out. Love yourself. Be yourself. Be true to yourself. BELIEVE in yourself. RESPECT YOURSELF! The right one will love ALL of you. And when you have the right one, don’t take him/her for granted.
And most importantly NEVER settle. You are worth so much more than that and deserve better than half-hearted, mediocre, one-sided, selfish, “love.”
Trust God’s plan. He doesn’t send turmoil or confusion. Wait for it.
Still single. Still smiling. It’s all a learning experience until I get it right. Thankful for second chances. And third chances. And fiftieth chances…
Stacey ~ iamalive