I attended an event tonight sponsored by Project Reveal called Embrace Your Body. It was a celebration of 30 unique women telling their stories about their journeys through photography. The mission was to inspire women to embrace who they are, scars and all. Women of all ages, sizes, ethnicities, and backgrounds participated.

These women had each been through something different but shared something in common. They were ready to accept who they are and share their stories publicly. Some had dealt with life threatening illness. Some had been sexually, emotionally, or physically abused. Some dealt with feelings from the aftermath of abortion. Some were anorexic. Some dealt with self mutilation. Others dealt with being insecure about being overweight. The list goes on and on. Everyone has a story.

At the end of the night my friend told me she thought I should apply for my story to be told at next years event. I thought that was odd at first because my first reaction was that I am not yet where I want to be in my life. But that is not the point. The point is to accept yourself as you are right now. For me, it isn’t exactly about my outward appearance that I struggle with…although the wrinkles are more obvious and I cannot seem to get rid of the belly fat anymore. My struggle has been accepting myself for who I am on the inside. I will never be an extrovert or a public speaker who wins over a crowd with a speech. I will never know what it’s like to not have been raped. I will never know what it is like to not grow up with a bipolar mother. I will never know what it’s like to be anyone else but myself.

Scars aren’t always visible on the outside. Loving yourself and understanding that you are not your past or the things you have been through is the only way to truly begin to live again. It is the only way to truly become the person God intended you to be. No, I am not there yet and I might not every fully be there. But I am learning to embrace myself inside and out a little more every day.

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

Imagine what the world would be like today if people had the attitude of the sun…

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

So, yesterday I explained that I would be writing here every day in November. It is now 9:30pm and I am just now sitting down to start my second post for the month. I could easily just turn on the TV (I actually have it plugged in now) or I could just go to bed. I do have to get up at 5:30am tomorrow.

But I should at least try…I did type 1,000 words yesterday about how I was going to attempt to write myself out of this funk and make the last two months of this year amazing. I just looked through my emails from today and read one from one of my readers/friends. He told me he is with me on this refocusing thing and he is going to hold me accountable. He related to my post yesterday and also wants to make the last two months of 2017 the best two months. I appreciated this message so much because it does help to not do it alone! I will be checking in on him as well.

The thing about having a relationship with God is that we have a choice. From what I have experienced and seen through others, God sets us up to follow Him then we must make the choice to follow. I didn’t DECIDE to follow until my life was messed up and I was barely hanging on to hope. I made a conscious choice for a couple of years after that but this year I have slacked off. I blame it on my schedule and being tired but I know there is more to it. I’ve become lazy and reverted back to some of my selfish ways…then I wonder, “Why  do I feel so negative?”

The easy thing to do is to blame my circumstances and become all wrapped up in myself again instead of choosing the hard option…because following God is HARD. But it is the better option. SO MUCH BETTER! And the wonderful thing about all of this is that if I slack off and become spiritually numb again…he will set me up every time so that I need to depend on Him. I can choose to follow or I can keep banging my head on the wall and walking in circles. It is up to me. The reward if I choose the right option leads to so many things. Today I am choosing joy.

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

(The attached photo showed up on my Facebook today as a memory I shared a year ago. I took a picture of a beautiful sunrise with my iPhone that morning while I was working at the farm. I had a broken finger at that time and I was harvesting vegetables while wearing a splint. My hands were constantly wet, cold, and dirty and I was still in pain. Not the most comfortable situation but I have never been happier. It was a simple moment that I captured (but amazing…God was showing off!) but I remember how I felt that morning…choosing to find joy in my surroundings regardless of my circumstances).

This is not a message about a broken marriage. I have done a lot of dumb things in my past but I have never been with a married man or destroyed a home. I actually had to think about that for a minute though before I typed it because, like I said, I have done a lot of dumb things.

And a lot of dumb things have been done to me. That’s what we humans tend to do. We hurt each other. I started writing four years ago because my home was suddenly broken. There wasn’t any cheating going on…my husband just walked out because he didn’t see me as part of his future. It hurt. But I wrote myself out of one of the most horrible mindsets I have ever been in. And I have been through a lot of stuff and there have been plenty of horrible mindsets.

I don’t enjoy those horrible mindsets at all and I am kind of actually in one right now. Nothing horrible has happened. Not a lot of anything has happened really. I have just been living. And waiting. More like existing and waiting and becoming impatient in the meantime. When nothing is happening in my life I tend to get bored and depressed and I forget about all of the amazing blessings I have in my life.

It is easy to do. Can you relate? Have you thanked God for blessing you lately? You probably have but I have not. Time to change that.

Halloween is over and the Christmas season is right in front of us. I want to have a good Christmas season this year. I don’t want to be down in the dumps feeling sad, alone, and sorry for myself. I want to be filled with the spirit. I want to feel alive. I want to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. I want to bring joy into someone else’s life if  I can somehow. Christmas isn’t about me. Yes, I have to work a lot. Yes, I have bills. Yes, I have a sore arm from an injury I had a year ago. Yes, I am exhausted most of the time. But things could be worse. A lot worse.

Things are actually pretty good. I live in a very nice place. I have a good job. I have the sweetest cat (except when he wakes me up to eat at 5am on my days off). I have awesome roommates. I have great friends. I have my dad. I have my family who mostly live far away but I know they care. I have so much. All I want for Christmas is to feel content, thankful, and at peace with my life at this very moment. And in order to do that I decided I am going to attempt to write myself out of this funk I have found myself in for nearly a year now. It has gone on too long now and I am over it. I wrote myself out of it in 2013 and things were much worse then. I think I got this covered.

So, be prepared to read an entry every day (I am going to try at least) for the entire month of November. Usually when I say out loud that “I am going to write”…not much writing happens. Just ask my roommate because she is the one who usually hears me utter those words. Unfortunately, or fortunately for my procrastination heart, she is kind of like me in a lot of ways and she doesn’t write when she says she is going to write either. Maybe she is my enabler? Maybe I need to have someone to keep me accountable instead? And since I really don’t have anyone I am going to remember what my therapist told me a while back…”Most people hold themselves accountable, Stacey.”

Wow. My mouth has been hanging open since then and I have been scratching my head thinking, “Really? Hold myself accountable???”

YES. HOLD YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE. BECAUSE YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF.

After reading my daily devotional tonight I had a realization that sparked all of these thoughts. I am my own home wrecker right now. Or actually, maybe God is. I hear that sweet quiet voice deep inside calling me back towards my path but I haven’t been listening. I have actually been ignoring. And the more I ignore the more depressed I become. And I’ve been lacking in the faith department. I stopped reading the Bible regularly. I stopped going to church every week. I stopped talking to God. I stopped writing. I stopped a lot of things and instead I started some bad habits to compensate. I wander away but He always calls me back to my path…wrecking me.

For me, lack of faith leads to bad decisions, lack of focus, and backwards and negative thinking, which all lead to depression…the biggest roadblock in my life.

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. 1 Corinthians 6:19

No, I am not my own. But I have been living and acting like I am which is leading me in circles. I haven’t been taking care of myself…mind or body. Time to get this home back into shape. There is so much more to gain. There is no more time to merely exist.

If you relate to any of this…join me and let’s make it happen together. Today is November 1st. It is a new month and a new opportunity to start over with a fresh mindset.

“May the last 2 months of 2017 be the plot twist you’ve been waiting for.” Not sure who posted that initially but my thought when I read it was, “HECK YEAH!”

Believe and you shall receive. Make it happen. Let’s do this!

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

Depression is:

A permanent state of tiredness that can’t be fixed by sleep.

Feeling like you’re drowning above the water.

Feeling like you’re in a straight jacket and you cannot move.

Feeling like you have a ball of cotton stuck in your throat.

Feeling like your mouth is glued shut and your teeth and gums hurt from clenching.

Feeling like your insides are going to pop out.

Wanting people to call or text or email but not wanting to answer back.

Wanting to be invited but not wanting to go.

Wanting things to be clean but not wanting to clean.

Feeling like you can never get enough sleep.

Forcing smiles and conversations when you’d rather be quiet.

Avoiding shopping.

Avoiding social situations.

Unable to focus on anything.

Not feeling sad but unable to feel happy.

Embarrassing.

Feeling ashamed.

Having zero energy.

Making a cup of coffee and feeding your cat might be the only thing you do today.

Wanting to be alone but also wanting company because you’re lonely.

Feeling hungry but too tired to cook or get in the car to go to a drive thru.

Not showering.

Not brushing your teeth.

Not caring about your appearance.

Procrastinating everything.

Sleeping for 12 hours and still feeling tired.

Feeling anxious.

Feeling exhausted.

Feeling overwhelmed.

Feeling afraid.

Feeling forgotten.

Feeling helpless.

Feeling alone.

Feeling hopeless.

Praying you will feel better tomorrow.

Hanging on to a thread of hope.

The pain that you’ve been through can’t compare to the joy that is coming. ~ Romans 8:18

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

Studied 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 this morning in the All Things New Bible study by Kelly Minter. It was on being equally yoked in your relationships. Verse 14 says “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” A yoke is “a wooden bar or frame by which two draft animals (as oxen) are joined at heads or necks for working together.”

This was my #1 priority in my next relationship. We had to be equally yoked. Never had that before and it does not work without it. Period. So if you are dating someone who is not a believer and you are, you need to end the relationship. Your spouse is #2 in your life and you must be on the same page about Jesus.

I thank God for Rob. We are equally yoked and the joy that brings the both of us is a miracle. The Holy Spirit lives in us and to have this in my husband is a gift. Being equally yoked allows us to have an intimacy unlike anything I have ever experienced outside my relationship with Christ.

Sweet friends really look at your relationships. Don’t settle. We were meant to have an abundant life in Christ. The enemy will do everything he can to prevent this. We are set apart as sons and daughters of Christ. Live like it.

Lisa