I moved to a new apartment recently. On moving day I had to fill out a ton of paperwork before I received my key from the apartment manager. There was a personal information form to fill out and the question that stumped me as usual is “Who should we contact in case of emergency on your behalf?”
Answering that question has been a difficult one for me for some time now. I am not married. My father is in a nursing home. My mother is deceased. All of my siblings live anywhere from 4-14 hours drive from me. That simple question brings up so much fear inside of me every time I have to answer it.
SOMETIMES I FEEL SO ALONE. So who do I use???
Maybe you are blessed enough to have a family, a significant other, children or parents. I do not have those and for some reason these are the cards I have been dealt. Maybe it is for the purpose of writing about my experiences to help others who are in a similar situation realize that they are NOT ALONE in this. If you can relate to me, you are not alone.
It takes a lot of courage to be brave and independent but for some of us there is no other choice. I can sit here in my new apartment and cry about the way I think my life should have been. Or I can choose to use what I do have and make the most of it and TRULY appreciate everything. I do not take anything for granted anymore. My checking account might be drained until payday but my heart is full and I KNOW I am blessed in so many ways. There are so many people out there who are struggling and have no food or shelter or paycheck or family or clothes or ANYTHING. I have all of those things. I have my 2 cats. I have a job. I have a roof over my head and enough to eat. I might not be living the same lifestyle I lived just 3 short years ago but I appreciate everything so much more. It is a gift to struggle a little bit. And in the words of Cheryl Strayed (Her story is called WILD and I urge you to check it out) “You don’t have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt. You have an OBLIGATION to play the hell out of the ones you’re holding.”
Damn straight.
My emergency contact right now is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is the man in my life and the one I look to for comfort and strength everyday, all day. If you are a non-believer and you are struggling…find something POSITIVE to believe in. We are not meant to go through all of this alone.
To quote my Pastor from the sermon on Sunday “If you want the cure, recognize you have it.”
To realize that someone has already done something for me that I couldn’t do for myself has changed my life and my way of thinking. I am not a negative, bitter, self loathing person anymore.
I have been saved by grace. I for some reason have been called to be a light to others and I will try my best everyday to honor that calling. I am blessed. I am ALIVE.
Stacey ~ iamalive